The PBIS World Book

Talk One On One With Student

Why should I do it:

  • Students are more likely to listen to your input when it’s done away from others
  • It gives cool down time for both you and the student before discussing an issue
  • It provides the student a chance to state his thoughts and feelings
  • Removes an audience for the student to show off to
  • Has a weight or air of seriousness that can be more impacting on a student
  • Students take it more seriously
  • Stresses the importance of what you are saying
  • Indicates to the student the seriousness of the problem, behavior, or situation
  • Allows for privacy
  • Enables many students to open up more and disclose thoughts, concerns, or worries they might not disclose while in the class and in front of others

When should I do it:

  • When a behavior has caused disruption to the class or the student’s day
  • When a student is upset
  • When you need to address a student’s personal problem with them
  • When a student is very shy and needs to be spoken to about a behavior or issue
  • When you have addressed a student in class several times about a behavior or other issue

How do I do it:

  • This technique takes a lot of patience, support, self-control and self-talk
  • Remain cool, calm, collected, and use a neutral tone when students are oppositional, defiant, aggressive, agitated, etc
  • When a student is emotionally upset, hurt, etc, use an empathetic tone and body language
  • Keep responses brief, succinct, and to the point
  • Avoid lecturing or going on and on
  • Try re-direction if student is able to be de-escalated
  • Remove student from situation and make an appointment time to talk about the issue
  • Remove the student from the room immediately and go into the hall with them
  • Tell the student to stand in the hall and wait for you, then go talk to the student in the hall a few seconds later or after finishing what you were doing
  • Use reflective listening “I am hearing that you feel this assignment is unnecessary” “I hear you telling me that he took your toy away”
  • Ask open ended questions
  • Use body language that represents openness: If you are sitting, keep legs uncrossed and lean toward the person; If you are standing, keep arms uncrossed and legs open—people often mirror their emotional response with others’ body language
  • Use humor
  • Validate student’s feelings:
    • Aggression: “I know that you got mad after that”
    • Sadness: “ I can see you are sad about this”
    • Anxiety: “When you tap your feet, I’m guessing you are worried about the test”
    • Confrontation: “I need to talk to you about your calling your friend a name”
  • Teach alternatives:
    • “Tell me some things you could have done differently” “The next time, you get mad, try walking away and taking a break”
    • “When you get worried about your tests, try to think of all the tests you’ve taken and done great on”
  • Use Start Commands